Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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