You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
