I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
