Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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