I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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