I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
well you can't waste a boner
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
