# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
