I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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