I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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