I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
