maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
