I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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