My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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