You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
