They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
