How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
