The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dick very happy bro
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
