I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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