I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
