I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
