So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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