you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
