i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
