can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
