shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Life is so much better after having sex.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize
