Moan for me like Helen Keller
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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