I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
