At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
