I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
