Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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