I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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