I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
