o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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