You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
where am i from again
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
