so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
