maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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