oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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