so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
