No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
