I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
