This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
