I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
