if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
