all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
