he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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