What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
