dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
