Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
