aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
