If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
